Halloween 2 (2009)
Warnings: PS, mild L
by Rhiannon
Arguably, there are three icons of the horror genre: Freddy, Jason Voorhees, and Michael Myers. As of this review, ALL of them have had their movies recast and remade. NONE of those remakes suck nearly as bad as Rob Zombie’s remake of the Halloween franchise. In my opinion, he ruined it. He ruined it with the first movie he remade and then he turned around and made it worse with this wretched flick.
I always refer to Michael Myers as the epitome of horror. I’m a Jason-girl but I have to hand it to Michael – he was scarier. There was no rhyme or reason for the things he did, and that makes it all scarier. You take away the mystique, you take away the fear. That’s what Rob Zombie did – he gave Michael a reason for being the way he was and made him into a sympathetic character.
In this waste of film, we start out with the meat wagon driver and attendant cheerfully discussing necrophilia. Ugh. [I have to admit that the exploding cow in the early scene was pretty cool though (poor thing). Apparently, Rob Zombie has decided that he’s M. Night Shyamalan because there are all these flashbacks and vignettes that seem to be there for the express purpose of giving Rob’s skanky wife some screen time.
I have no problem with the f-bomb – I drop it myself often – but this movie goes way over the top, in my opinion. Especially with Laurie – she’s been turned into Little Miss Trash for this flick. Ugh. Laurie was always the good girl – she even felt bad about smoking just in case she got caught – no way is she going to act the way Rob had her portrayed.
Loomis, oh Loomis. What has Zombie done to you? He turned you into an asshole, for one thing. A materialistic, greedy asshole with concern only for the almighty dollar, not for Michael or his victims. WRONG Rob!
The biggest travesty about this film is what Zombie did to Michael himself. Michael doesn’t speak – never did. He did in Rob’s version – lots of grunting and almost-coherent yelling. Michael never took his mask off, EVER. He did in Rob’s version – in fact, he spent more time OUT of his mask than IN it. Plus Zombie made him look like a hobo – what up with that? Michael IS NOT a cannibal!! What the hell is wrong with you Zombie?! Did you even watch the previous movies? Any of them?
There’s too much wrong with this film to even list out. Do yourself a favor and don’t bother. I’m sorry that I did. This film is defamation of Michael Myer’s character and Zombie should be ashamed of himself. I can’t even listen to Zombie’s music after watching this.
This film? I give it 1 out of 5 weeping horror icons.
